Actually, it’s Monday. But when you’re as fabulous as you are, every day is YOUR day. Go make the best of it.
My daughter is named for two of her great grandfathers, Perry Maraglio and Denzil Ray Daniel. Two of my nephews share their great grandfathers’ names as well. So it shouldn’t come as a shock to anyone that Father’s Day is a pretty big deal in my family.
I often find myself acting like my dad, Ron. Like when I make a particularly lame pun or when I realize I’m still hanging on to the cell phone I got ten years ago, even though it hasn’t worked in eight years, “just in case.” I also have his strong profile, olive skin tone and appreciation for art and beauty.
My step-dad, whom we dubbed “The Phil” when we were teenagers, took on a daunting task. He married my mother, who brought with her two teenage girls. Never having had any children of his own, it’s shocking that he stayed as sane as he did. He jokes that his training as an FBI special agent didn’t prepare him for the onslaught of cheerleading practice and ballet recitals, not to mention the monumental task of ever being able to use the house phone. Then there were the times I’d ask him to repeat words just to giggle at his Long Island, NY accent.
Me: “Say ‘water’ again.”
The Phil: “Water.”
Me: “OK, now say ‘drawer.’”
The Phil: “Drawer.”
Me: “OK, now say -“
Mom: “Rebecca! Let him finish dinner!”
Anyone who knows Phil, will confirm that he is the strong silent type. He lets my southern, silver-haired, brilliant mother shine.
When my daughter was born, my dad came up often to help me. Because of him, we have a CD full of beautiful newborn photos. A musician, Dad’s music collection is a sight to behold, and when Perry was a newborn, he made playlist after playlist for her to listen to. Old favorites like “Thank heaven for little girls,” and new haunting melodies by Adele streamed from my iPhone at all times of the day and night. There were moments, after Jon returned to work, when I just wanted to shower or drink a cup of coffee, so my dad would rock her and sing to her and let her sleep on his shoulder until she woke up.
My mom, bless her, married both of these men at different times in her life, giving me and my sister the amazing benefit of having our lives shaped by two wonderfully different people.
I’ve learned much from these two men. The Phil once told me, “You can’t control how people act, but you can always control how you react to it.” I have that jotted down on a sticky note at my desk.
Seeing these men become “Zayde” and “Poppaw” to my little girl is one of the best things a daughter can witness. I hope The Phil will be able to intimidate at least a few of Perry’s future boyfriends and I hope my dad will let her stand on his giant feet while he dances around the living room to songs from “A Chorus Line.”
“Raise your arms and someone’s always there…”
It’s because of both of these men that I chose Jon as my husband (or rather, we chose each other). Like Phil, Jon is what my Poppaw would affectionately call, “another Yankee.” And though Phil roots for the Giants and Jon is still hoping the Jets will make a comeback, they’re both from the great state of New York. Like my dad, Jon is musical and goofy. And all men who marry women in my family have a high threshold for humiliation. That just comes with the territory.
As a father, Jon is present. He is silly and sentimental. Most importantly, he never doubts me and my ability as a mother, especially when I doubt it myself. He wants her to be strong and independent, so Perry will grow up watching women’s soccer and the Stanley Cup playoffs. She’ll never hear her dad tell her she can’t do something because she’s a girl and I know he will do his best to make sure she never feels like she needs lip gloss to leave the house (but it’s OK if she likes it).
When Perry is asleep I sometimes catch Jon watching videos of her on his phone, like he just can’t get enough of our little girl. I think he’s crazy, but if he gets home too late and misses bedtime, he’ll scoop Perry up from her crib and carry her into our bedroom. She snuggles into his chest and I melt.
Jon and I knew we wanted children early on in our relationship. We just always saw ourselves as parents. But, like most people, our lives were not without loss and grief. Jon is the most hopeful person I know and for that, I am forever grateful. We prayed hard for our miracle baby and are so thankful and aware of the gift we have been given.
Sometimes, we still creep into her room at night to stare at her. Until she rolls over and opens her eyes. Then we freeze, avoid eye contact and slowly back away.
So all you late-night rockers, skinned knee kissers, college dorm movers and tennis shoe finders, soccer field yellers, driving school teachers, runny nose wipers, hot dog grillers, swimming pool skimmers and potty training wizards, this Father’s Day is for you. Enjoy!
Suzanne Nicar has a song in her heart and a passion for making women feel good about themselves. After leaving her job of seven years in hotel sales, she recently transitioned into a new role as a leasing consultant for Weinstein Properties in Richmond, Va. Though her day job involves showing prospective tenants around properties, she is also a mother of a two-year-old daughter, a regular in the Richmond theater circuit and a Mary Kay beauty consultant.
I’ve known Suzanne for nearly 20 years. She grew up around the corner from my family and she’s been friends with my sister since elementary school. A few years ahead of me in school, she arrived at Virginia Commonwealth University two years before me. Suzanne graciously rescued me from dining hall food by cooking me dinner at her apartment and making me feel a little less like a country girl in the big city.
Now that we’ve both grown up (a bit) and face the same challenges as working mothers, I caught up with her to find out how she makes it work.
Q: What’s the best thing about being a mom?
Watching my daughter grow into a little girl with her own thoughts and aspirations.
Q: What tips do you have for working moms?
Pick your battles! If you have a choice of doing dishes or cuddling for 20 minutes before your child goes to bed, cuddle. As hard as it is to let dishes and laundry pile up, those chores will always be there. I’m sure there will come a day when my daughter will be too cool to go to the park or won’t want to cuddle and watch a movie on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Also, make every day off count. Have a special count down or weekly tradition. When I pick my daughter up on Friday evenings she knows it’s movie night (popcorn included) and we’ve got “two days” together.
Q: What are your career aspirations?
Once upon a time, I wanted to be a recording artist. Right now, I’m just happy to be home to put my daughter to sleep every night. My ultimate dream would be to combine my professional experience with my passion for the arts. I would love to open a little hole in the wall theater or even café/cabaret.
Q: You’re an accomplished actress in Richmond-area live theater. How do you balance that calling with your career and family?
I was fortunate to be able to perform a lot before Addie was born. Now, it’s much harder to leave her to go rehearsals in the evenings. Although I don’t perform nearly as much as I used to, it’s a part of me that I’ve never been able to let go. I want my daughter to find something like that. Something that will call her no matter where she is in life and make her feel whole, like singing does for me. I want her to know that about me, and to someday soon see me on stage.
Q: What’s in your purse/bag?
Wallet, hand sanitizer, glasses, inhaler, Tylenol, baby wipes, lip gloss, and powder.
Q: What do you think the biggest challenge is that working moms face and what can we do about it?
A lot of people (particularly employers) see being a working mom as a weakness. It’s not. We work just as hard, if not harder. I think I became a better employee when I had a baby. All of a sudden, I had a finite amount of time at the office to get things done. If I had a deadline, I met that deadline because I had to leave by 4:30 p.m. to pick up my daughter. I was more productive in those 8-9 hours of work because NOTHING was going to keep me from picking up my daughter when I needed to.
Q: Who is your role model?
My mom. She worked while I was growing up and was still home to get me off the bus. She made every chorus concert, every field hockey game. Even when I was younger, I remember my mom telling me I could accomplish anything. She’s the first phone call I make when I need advice.
Q: How do you “make it work”?
My Husband. He’s my partner in not only in our marriage but as a parent. When I’m tired and can’t handle anymore, he’s always there to help.
I’m lucky to have a husband who enjoys culinary exploration. He’s usually the grocery shopper and chef. But he’s also an “I’ll just see what inspires me at the Farmer’s Market” kind of guy. I need a plan. And a list. Also, you can’t buy Cheezits at the Farmer’s Market and nothing keeps my toddler calm during post-work errands than a handful of cheesy crackers.
I needed an easy way to plan out our meals for the week. We keep things pretty loose around here and we rarely stick to the plan exactly as laid out, but having a few ideas helps me avoid the 3 p.m. panic at work when I realize I have no idea we are going to eat for dinner or what’s in our freezer.
Getting up early is kind of my thing. On Sunday mornings, I take a giant cup of coffee into the living room, tuck my feet under me on the couch and plan out our meals for the week. Some of my friends have Blue Apron and they RAVE about it. I think I’ll ask one of them to post a review of it on the blog for those of you considering it.
For now, I’m sharing the simple meal planning worksheet I threw together, in the hope that it may help you keep the crazy in check. It’s not fancy, but it gets the job done. I keep blank worksheets in a notebook in our family command center and when it’s filled in, I post it in our kitchen.
Download it here: What to eat this week.